Colors

Integrity

Today certainly made me realize a lot about people. It made me realize myself and their take on me.
I have been posting here for almost a year now. Never have I had a direct hit on things. I guess some people take these postings really seriously when it is supposed to be for expression of one's thoughts, feelings and ideas about things, situations and stuff.

I have been writing here in my blog so as to practice my long lost passion for journalism and writing. I have had a great time during my highschool year experiencing writing for the school paper. Voicing out one's opinion and thoughts.

But somehow, somewhere, someone reacts and makes a big deal about things.
Personally, this is my opinion being expressed through writing. This is my way to interact with my friends and family through the great vast net.

As a journalist, I have learned that integrity comes first as well as veracity. As a person, I value integrity, and veracity. As a worker, I value integrity, and professionalism.

My point is, in everything I write in my blog is an expression of all the hues of my day. If you find it offensive, send me a message. Do not tramp me!

Its Funny!

It's funny how some people get into the wagon without even knowing the destination nor the route.
They just jump right into it...
It's funny how some people can talk about other people without even knowing who they really are.
They just conclude things.
It's funny how a little request can be blown out of totality making it worst.
They just pretend it was nothing.

It's funny how simple a thing be...
They just make it very complicated.
It's funny how the people you consider knows you best turns out to be indifferent.
They just get into you.

It's funny how you express yourself in writing.
They get overwhelmed with it.

I don't get it. Sometimes, the best thing should be just keeping your silence.
And yet, in your solitude, you turn out to be the monster that they attack.
Being misinterpreted and misunderstood.

It's funny how you not tell the truth,
it will always prevail. Get right back at you.
No matter what you say or do, if it's not the truth...
it will always fail. It will be dumbfounded.

Waiting Game

Just had my OB appt yesterday and he said, it's a waiting game from now on... My Zara will soon be here in our arms. She is full term now and ready to pop out. Been ordered to take rest and stop working..

Been staying on the positive side of things and clear from all the emotional roller coaster happening around me (friends)... can't afford any dramas in life right now. I wanted to have a happy, content, peaceful delivery and baby as well! Try not to talk to people who bring out the worst in you or make you feel incapable or desperate, depressed nor do I have the time to entertain any negative vibes or thoughts (if you can't live to ur promise then don't even dare think about it!!)... I am mean when it comes to these emotions! Not right now! Please!!!

I have severe colds and cough not the flu though. Have been taking quite a bit of liquids to easen my clogged nose. Hoping and praying that Zara will be out of danger... not taking any medications even though the OB gave me a go signal.

My body starts to feel fatigued and swollen... not on my extremities but on my mid section. My back hurts and my legs feel heavy and sometimes numb in the groin area...

Last Monday, I was out for 12 hours. I was in the streets of LA... Touring family friends around... it was quite a predicament. Walking, seems like endless walking... but one good thing is that Zara is very cooperative. Did not give me a hard time walking around and about. Did not fuss about hunger or anything. Later that night, it was the first time that I slept like a baby... during the past few weeks, it has been difficult to sleep like a lumber or what. I have to be on my sides and my upper has to be somewhat or slightly upright for me to breathe clearly...

And that is the time that Zara enjoys moving around... when mama is not working or doing anything... I think its compromising... symbiotic relationship.

I can't wait for this waiting game to end... i want to see the end of the line!

Almost there

I have grown more 15 lbs more since the last time I posted here. My tummy feels swollen but my body is not! I like it when my hubby compliments me that I am hot and sexy hahaha=0) (he must have some huge cataract somewhere)...

Work is slow. I might go into maternity leave after my OBGYN appointment. My little one has been very cooperative and understanding. When mama works she is quiet, and when mama rests that's her time to play. I normally complain to my dan that I can't sleep but I am thankful that my lil one doesn't move as much during work time. We have a symbiotic relationship.

She appears to like stories and books. Everytime, I am on the phone with my mama or papa, she kicks as hard as she could. She enjoys funny stories, love stories and fairy tales. She makes sure she is part of the conversation or the story too...through kicking or moving around. She found some sort of a play ground inside me that she likes to pull on something or push on. It makes me grumble at times or startle, ran to the nearest restroom or something... must be experimenting all those extremities!

She is easily soothen by her papa's voice and touch. She responds to him with gentle movements. She likes to play with him. I am hoping that in the next 3-4 weeks everything will turn out beautifully. That she will be healthy, and happy. We're almost there.

"Bump"

I am on my seventh month now and on my third trimester.
It had been difficult for me. During my first trimester, I was "sick to my stomach" kind of person. Basic things and chores made me nauseaos. For instance, driving, getting out of bed. All I wanted to do was to stay in bed, nothing more. No cravings and did even gain weight til my third trimester. But I easily get irritated, my sense of smell has heightened as well as with my other senses. I love to be cuddled by my hubby and particularly, I loved the scent of his arm pits... Gross, if I wasn't pregnant! It calms me down when I am snugged into his arm...pits at that!

Then during my second trimester, I was like an energizer bunny, I work long hours and almost all days of the week. No complaints or anything. I can even do my household chores. I feel super strong! I have endured the various blood drawing events to test my little one and me. So far everything seems to be in place and as planned!

Now that I am on my 3rd trimester. Got a year older and wiser I guess, I am gradually succumbing into weakness, I might say. I have been ordered bed rest for a week since after the baby shower cum birthday party, I got super tired and worked out. My little one started to push out, wanting to be free and play with all her marvelous gifts. Kuddos to Sahleen n Nell for the party!
My OBGYN nurse ordered me to rest for a week to stop premature labor.
It appears to be that I am doing fine now and that I am ready to go back to work again.
My little one is very cooperative and moves a lot now. My tummy shows bumps in all corners when the little one moves. Its such a calming feeling!

Trans... what?

Transfiguration. Transformation. Trans... what?
It's funny how its the only constant thing in this lifetime is change...
Is it really the only constant?

We accomodate change every where, every time and in any form.
Like buds blooming into flowers. Like cocoa churning into chocolates.
Like an embryo growing into a man or a woman.

Does everything in life really change? Like the intangibles? Love, lust, joy, sorrow,
pain and suffering? Do they change, too? And do we handle it with caution or ferocity?

I wonder how does change affect us... our daily living, and interaction with one another,
with our selves and with the environment. Do we rely on change in order to react?

Better luck next time!

Today was definitely a great and embarrassing day!

I awoke to a whisper in my ear, "happy anniversary hunny, i love you."

We decided to go out and take a long stroll into the garden which I wanted to see for the longest time. It was a breeze to get there since it was Saturday and the 210 was light. The road was narrow and tree lined. The houses carried some old charm to them. It was a homey place. It was like watching Nottinghill or better yet being there... finding a beautiful garden amidst a ritzy residential place that is open to the public. It's like a place where you would want to raise your family.

The garden was indeed pretty although not every flower was in bloom due to the season. We strolled and posed for some shots. Then strolled some more. Took a tram bringing us to every inch of the garden. There was a lot to explore and benches strategically placed to rest your tired feet.

It was great being in touch with nature. The ponds and the lakes, the birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees. Two hours of strolling got us hungry. Lunch was very organic. Then we headed to our favorite bakeshop. Line was inevitable, but we survived. We got our cake and ready to head home.

I promised my hubby that I will prepare him a big steak dinner and while it was broiling in the oven, I am writing this blog... and whoa! our entire house got covered in smoke... almost smoked down the house!!! What an embarrasing thing to do... so now we are getting ready to dine out. Better luck next time ;0)

into the deep

I always wonder what life has to offer me. It often struck me as vibrant flashing lights, or getting the best out of what this material world has or being able to be the best of who I can be. Let me share my inner voice, crying within.

Most of the time, for the past two months that I have been staying home. Trying to find out the whys and hows, wills and shalls...then came a realization that I am no longer intimate and in love with me.
Ever since i got married or even in my prior relationships, I have felt I have lost a certain part of myself, my entirety as a person, as an individual. Could it be compromising too much, or losing interest in something?

Yes, I have to admit that I have lost my individuality. It is sad. Not being able to become and achieve things and stages in my young life. It may sound depressing and haunting. Like everything was done in a rush... spur of the moment... without acknowledging the what ifs and could have beens. I am too gullible.

There was a time in my life that I felt I have conquered the world and whatever it has to throw at me. I have been determined, strong-willed and without traces of vulnerability. Now, I am thinking was it all a hindsight, pictures of the memory or have I lost the real me.

The "me" that loves life, conversations, readings, travels, building relationships, romance, passion and different encounters with people and culture. The one that shows and posseses strength and love. Wit and attitude. Compassion and wisdom. Faith and religion. Friends and relationships.
Whatever happened to the vibrant, gleeful, and determined me? Whatever happened to my assertiveness, intelligence and leadership? Where is the passion and romance that fuels my love? Where is my determination to be successful and conquer the world... where have they gone to?

My answer - " i do not know..."

It's undeniably painful to realize that at one point in my young life, i am into the deep and trying to swim up to the surface. To breathe, to see the beauty that was once there and to find the sparkle and magic back in my life.

When you fall in love

I came across this article from a friend's blog site and copied it.
Read it and give it some thought, you may find answers to some of your questions regarding love and relationship.
Quite long but worth it.

___________________________

When You FALL IN LOVE
(Debunking the Myths That Are Driving You Crazy)
By: Bo Sanchez

This article isn't for teenagers only.

Falling in love happens to the young and the not so young. (Did you see 42-year-old Tom Cruise jump up and down Oprah's couch because of Katie?)
It happens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy, not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green... it doesn't really matter.

All of us fall in love.
And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy.
My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them.
Let's begin..........

MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL

Let me qualify.
This is such a tricky myth. Because love ----- as defined by the Bible------ will conquer all. But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers----- will not.

If you believe in this myth, you might do the following:

You overlook major obstacles in your relationship.

Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer space as your boyfriend. Your bestfriends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of a running vehicle. Aling Rosa of the sari-sari store across the street is telling you to lace his drink with poison.
But you won't --------- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and me against the world"
Your bestbuds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past three years!"
And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in when he's in the office. '(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.)
Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!' and you say, No, he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert) Your cousins say, 'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say, 'No, he's into cross stitching.'

You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him.

The wedding doesn't transform anyone.
Even if three Popes officiate the wedding.
The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit.
In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious.
If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding.

Here's the truth : You need more than feelings of love to make a
relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility.
Especially compatibility in the area of values and mission in life. I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We're both born in July." Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry.

MYTH 2: WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON

I'm sure you've had this experience before.
You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door.
Your eyes meet.
Instantly, time stands still. The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background.

One week later, he's your boyfriend.
A few weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months).
Your mind says, 'Dump him' Your heart says, 'But it was love at first sight!'

Here are the consequences ...

You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side of the relationship.
Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend.
But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ......How can you not be meant for each other?

You become a love-at-first-sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'.
One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me.He's okay. He's kind, he's responsible, he has a good job.......'"I could hear a 'but' coming ," I said. 'but there are no sparks!" she bit her lip. "No violin music playing in the background huh" "none. When I see him, the background music I hear is lululalu-lalulalulalei...""listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet our potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..."
I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear."
It doesn't have to be love at first sight.
In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material.
What is love at first sight?
Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight.
Don't give it too much weight.

Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.

MYTH 3: IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER

No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth:

You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is over and whether you really loved one another in the first place. Imagine the night of your honeymoon.
Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips. And all of a sudden, she snores. "Ngggggggooork"

How do you react? Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.' Six months down the road, the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze.
And you hear her snore.
"Ngggggoork."
What do you say?
"Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!'
What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this: 'That's normal.
It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic! You can make a decision to love the snoring boat.

You start blaming your partner for the loss of love
This is nutty.
But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him.
Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings.
It's nobody's fault.
The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins .
Let me explain.
This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Less traveled)

Falling in love isn't love
Here's why. When you fall in love.....
a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.
b. No effort is required. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.
c. No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.

On the other hand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hard work. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love.
When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.

MYTH 4: YOUR PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY

Again because falling in love satisfied you completely ----- you want the same satisfaction to last. No it won't.
Consequence? You might fail to recognize a good relationship because your partner isn't fulfilling the needs you should be fulfilling yourself.

Here's the truth: the right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them . There are just some things your husband can't give you: you're self-worth. Your spirituality. Your inner happiness.
These are things you have to work on your own.
I've met lots of people who think they're dissatisfied with their marriage. In reality, they're dissatisfied with themselves.
I've met lots of people who think they're bored with their marriages. And they complain to the high heavens how boring their husband or wife is ---- when in truth, they're really bored with life.
Meet your own needs. Find your happiness in God. Find your niche, your calling, your destiny. And then share your joy with your spouse.

MYTH 5: IF IT'S TRUE LOVE YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE ELSE

If you believe in this myth, you panic when you get attracted to someone else, questioning the authenticity of your love for your spouse.
One man told me, 'Bo, I love my wife. Or I thought I did. But then I met this woman at work. She has nice make-up. She smells nice. She wears a pencil-cut skirt. When I go home, my wife is wearing a drab rag. Her hair is undone. She smells of vinegar. Gosh I am attracted to this girl at work."
Being attracted to someone is normal ----- even if you have a happy marriage. But being attracted doesn't mean falling into adultery.
Every time you think of the other woman, discipline your heart and say, “Home, boy, Home!' and escort your heart back to your wife. Because if you feed your attraction with fantasies and constantly think about the other woman, it grows. But if you starve your attraction, it dies a natural death.