Colors

I always wonder what life has to offer me. It often struck me as vibrant flashing lights, or getting the best out of what this material world has or being able to be the best of who I can be. Let me share my inner voice, crying within.

Most of the time, for the past two months that I have been staying home. Trying to find out the whys and hows, wills and shalls…then came a realization that I am no longer intimate and in love with me.
Ever since i got married or even in my prior relationships, I have felt I have lost a certain part of myself, my entirety as a person, as an individual. Could it be compromising too much, or losing interest in something?

Yes, I have to admit that I have lost my individuality. It is sad. Not being able to become and achieve things and stages in my young life. It may sound depressing and haunting. Like everything was done in a rush… spur of the moment… without acknowledging the what ifs and could have beens. I am too gullible.

There was a time in my life that I felt I have conquered the world and whatever it has to throw at me. I have been determined, strong-willed and without traces of vulnerability. Now, I am thinking was it all a hindsight, pictures of the memory or have I lost the real me.

The “me” that loves life, conversations, readings, travels, building relationships, romance, passion and different encounters with people and culture. The one that shows and posseses strength and love. Wit and attitude. Compassion and wisdom. Faith and religion. Friends and relationships.
Whatever happened to the vibrant, gleeful, and determined me? Whatever happened to my assertiveness, intelligence and leadership? Where is the passion and romance that fuels my love? Where is my determination to be successful and conquer the world… where have they gone to?

My answer - ” i do not know…”

It’s undeniably painful to realize that at one point in my young life, i am into the deep and trying to swim up to the surface. To breathe, to see the beauty that was once there and to find the sparkle and magic back in my life.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 18th, 2006 at 2:16 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.